i'm done being fat and unhappy.
i'm also done with diets (or so called "lifestyle changes") and psychiatric medications.
my outside doesn't match my inside. my body sends a message to the world that i am wasteful, greedy, and gluttonous. the way i treat myself is destructive, cruel, and dismissive.
i am not any of those things. i don't care for anyone or anything else in those ways... so why myself?
i'm done.
so, here's a little bit of background for anyone interested in knowing more:
1. I am seeing a Chiropractor who practices Applied Kinesiology. Basically she lays me down and exposes my body to different elements (generally by placing vials of those elements in my hand but sometimes using pictures, words, or other props) and then tests my body's reaction to those elements by pushing on my arm and gauge-ing the level of strength and resistance.
So far, we have determined that I have sensitivities to dairy & corn and need to cut those out of my diet to achieve optimum health. i have also been prescribed some specialized B6 to help with energy/vitality and assist my body with hormonal processes.
BUT... that's not all. Because i am ruled by my subconscious I am helpless to make any true change without first (or at least simultaneously) addressing the root issue that drives my self destructive behavior.
2. I am seeing a therapist who practices Biodecoding which is a practice most effectively explained by the following Pavlovian research: Worm A is placed into a shoebox and occasionally exposed to light. Worm B is placed into a shoebox and exposed to light at the same rate AND is also poked at the same time as light exposure. Eventually Worm B starts to cower in the shadows of his box when it is opened for light because he associates light with pain. Worm A reproduces and its offspring are placed in a separate box and Worm B does the same. When Worm A's offspring are exposed to light they do not react. When Worm B's offspring are exposed to light they cower in the shadows of the box despite the fact that they were never poked. Psychological trauma gets imprinted on our genes and becomes biological, passed down generation to generation through our DNA.
Our brains do not know the difference between things that happened to us, things we inherited, things we imagined, or symbols and our subconscious acts as an effective coping strategy machine reacting to these inherited traumas. So as much therapy as we get to work through the traumas from this lifetime... until we can convince our subconscious that we (in my case) don't need to be fat to protect ourselves from being molested or to be large enough to be found my our loved ones who abandoned us... the cycle continues.
but again. i'm done. the cycle does not continue. it stops now.