Wtfmggmap

cry

i need a good cry. too much disagreeing... and snot and too many scratchy throats and big events... I think i'll be 100% on Sunday, July 5th, but what to do until then?

little update... and mission statement

things are going well. i may have said this before but i am presently in this space where if i'm hungry and i eat... i'm not hungry anymore. period. i don't have to eat something terrible for me (aka: what i want) to feel satistfied. it's pretty cool.

the other thing i wanted to say is: i probably won't ever be consistent blogger (unless someone starts paying me to be and thus giving me the "time" to do it), and the purpose of this blog is to cope. to cope with feeling my feelings, without food.

so i'll really only be here when i need it. just saying.

eggs

i went to costco today to buy 36 organic, cage free eggs because last week the dozen i hardboiled for my week's lunches were gone before I had a chance to eat more than 3...

you try to share and some people... sheesh.

on the way to costco i listened to some new vegetarian podcasts i downloaded... i don't intend to add this to my activism list (yet), but i wanted new ideas/recipes/strategies.

on my out of costco with my 36 eggs i listened to one about eggs and how horrible they are in that free range/cage free don't mean anything and are just for marketing, chickens are still slaughtered in the same ways as others when their egg production slows, and all male chickens at the hatcheries are killed at birth by being thrown in trash bags and suffocated/starved in a trash bin or thrown into a grinder live.

not to mention that an egg is the product of a chicken's menstrual cycle... and eating a hardboiled egg is like eating cooked amniotic fluid.

i ate one and a half for dinner... then gagged. hopefully they will taste better again next time when i'm really hungry. if not, i hope my flat mates enjoy the new bounty.

Tried to meditate while getting angus to bed... Fell asleep. Tried again when I woke up and was too afraid I would fall asleep. Gave up. Will try again tomorrow. Maybe.

Cried. A lot. To my boss who is also my friend. We're working on a solution that doesn't invove punishing mark because I'm not looking for vengeance... But one that makes me feel better and hopefully teaches him something.

I was able to eat lunch wihtout guilt. It was delicious. Only... I made guacamole and put my finger in my eye after cutting jalapenos. Bad move. Don't recommen it. Might cry again. Different reason this time.

up to the minute updates...

i'm at work now.

i'm very nervous.

and i'm starving.

i haven't eaten much today, but i can't wrap my head around food for hunger vs food for feelings.

basically, i'm afraid to eat.